Stamps 48 Leos 35

I got a ticket for 20 bucks half way through the first quarter. “Real good seat” the scalper said as he tucked my money in his fanny pack. I went into the grounds, got a beer and found my seat. My “real good seat” was actually decent. Things were looking up!

I was sitting next to a man and his 8(ish) year old son. Good family fun, the CFL! I began to make small talk with the man but we were interrupted when the Stampeders scored on a long passing play. “COCKSUCKER, FUCK!” the man screamed. Maybe I needed to take a closer look at this scene.

One section over and about 5 rows ahead of me, a man with a bright red face suddenly stood and screamed, “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!”. The object of his attention, massively overweight and sporting a Lui Passaglia jersey, kept threatening to moon the crowd. The silver haired man was taking exception. And thank god for that. I wanted to see Passaglia's naked can about as much as I wanted to eat glass. Things seemed to be falling apart.

The teams exchanged about 12 punts and 15 penalties before halftime. CFL football at its very finest. My initial good impression was fading fast.

The Lions cashed in on a bad interception by Stampeders quarterback Henry Burris just before halftime to make the game close. 27-20 Calgary.

The halftime ceremonies featured the “Superdogs”. Dogs and their owners raced through an obstacle course as they blared Guns 'n Roses over the PA. Strangely, the fans stood cheered for this entire segment. It was easily the loudest the crowd got all night.

The game resumed and passed by in a blur of more penalties and punts. There was some scoring mixed in there too but I honestly don't remember much of it.

Halfway through the third quarter the fat man in the Passaglia jersey started stumbling up the stairs towards the exit. He looked white as a ghost and very confused. I hadn't seen that look since my first year of university but it was unmistakable. He vomited on the steps about 10 rows in front of me. Some people, including the man and his son sitting next to me, cheered. Ladies and gentlemen, the CFL, fun for the whole family!

The Lions looked putrid but the crowd didn't seem to care. The wave (everyone loves the wave) got going and went around the stadium for what seemed like 20 minutes. The Stampeders scored again but the wave didn't let up. Was anyone even watching?

The Lions scored two touchdowns late to make the score close but the game was lopsided. The final whistle finally blew and I shuffled towards the exit with the remaining fans. I passed by some of the “Felions” (Lions cheerleaders) on my way out of the grounds. They were lingering around their trailer and getting whistled at by exiting fans. They were dressed like small-town strippers, but without the class. Oddly, my junk felt itchy as I passed.

I've heard it said that you can judge a society by its entertainment. Believing this to be at least partially true I went home and wept for us all.